Time to .......

2008-03-17T20:26:00.001-04:00

ttp://www.adventures.org/a/trips/mission_trip_video.asp?video=/media/locations/Swaziland.wvx

Swaziland!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-03-17T19:29:00.004-04:00

Located as its own country within the borders of South Africa, Swaziland is a country that is dying of AIDS. The number of HIV infected persons is growing so rapidly that without a turn-around, the country will completely be consumed by this awful disease in a few short years. In addition to the problem with AIDS, Swaziland is also a land of extreme poverty, false religion, and need. I will be able to minister to a wide variety of people, bringing hope to the hopeless and life to the dying.

Location Description:
The Kingdom of Swaziland, a fully independent country filled with bygone African traditions, is a secure hub from which all the surrounding major attractions of southern Africa are easily accessible. To the north is the Kruger Park and in the south are the game reserves of Kwa Zulu Natal as well as the main route to Cape Town. Johannesburg is a mere 240 miles away. Mozambique’s coastal capital, Maputo, is 100 miles distant. There are regular daily short flights from Johannesburg, Durban and Maputo.

Geographically, Swaziland has every feature of the African continent’s terrain, with the exception of desert. The countryside is so diverse – around every bend there is a new view. The Kingdom is divided into separate geographical regions running from north to south, each region is determined by altitude and characteristics.

The highveld region has magnificent mountain scenery with ancient rock formations, it features waterfalls, valleys and deep gorges; it forms the western border of the country at an average altitude of 4000 feet. To the east the sub-tropical lowveld drops to 850 feet, characterized by typical African bush vegetation where a wide variety of flora and fauna abound. This region is hotter and drier than the highveld. The smallest region, Lubombo, rises to 2000 feet and is bordered by Mozambique. This unexplored area is dissected by three main rivers and has an abundant unusual plant and animal life.

Weather:
The seasons are the reverse of those in the Northern Hemisphere with December being mid-summer and June mid-winter. Generally speaking, rain falls mostly during the summer months, often in the form of thunderstorms. Winter is the dry season. Annual rainfall is highest on the Highveld in the West.

Variations in temperature are also related to the altitude of the different regions. The Highveld temperature is temperate and, seldom, uncomfortably hot while the Lowveld may record temperatures around 104 degrees in summer.

People, Culture and Religion
Swaziland is Africa’s last traditional Kingdom, and ancient customs that once were common throughout the continent, now only remain in Swaziland. Other countries re-create ceremonies for tourists – but here they are real and are performed very much as they have been for many generations.A poignant link with the past are bushman paintings that depict scenes from a lifestyle lost for thousands of years. The guidance of the ancestors is still sought today by many Swazi traditional healers to provide the herbs and potions which they claim cure various ailments of the mind and body.Swaziland’s cheerful, friendly people maintain their traditions and rich distinct culture as a vital part of their every day lives. It is this blend of ancient and modern life that gives Swaziland its unique atmosphere of warmth and freedom.Swati and English are the official languages, and English is the official written language. In most parts of the countryside you'll have little difficulty being understood. Although indigenous religions are not widely practiced, traditional Swazi culture remains strong, and important ceremonies, such as the Incwala and Umhlanga have religious overtones.Christianity is the dominant religion. Missionaries inspired much of the country's early development and still play a role in rural development. Missionaries mostly are western Christians, including Baptists, Mormons, evangelicals, and other Christians. Bahais are one of the most active non-Christian groups in the country.The Christian churches in Swaziland are affiliated with one of three ecumenical bodies, i.e. the Swaziland Council of Churches, the Council of Swazi Churches and the Swaziland Conference of Churches (SCC). The SCC binds all the evangelical churches together, such as the Church of the Nazarene, the Free Evangelical Church, the Swaziland Reformed Church, and many others.Religions in % of population: Protestant 44.3%, Indigenous Christian 29.9%, African Traditional Relitions 18.9%, Roman Catholic 4.9%, other 2%.

Government and Economy

Government type: monarchy; independent member of Commonwealth Capital: Mbabane; note - Lobamba is the royal and legislative capital Autonomy for the Swazis of southern Africa was guaranteed by the British in the late 19th century; independence was granted 1968. Student and labor unrest during the 1990s have pressured the monarchy (one of the oldest on the continent) to grudgingly allow political reform and greater democracy. In this small, landlocked economy, subsistence agriculture occupies more than 80% of the population. The manufacturing sector has diversified since the mid-1980s. Sugar and wood pulp remain important foreign exchange earners. Mining has declined in importance in recent years with only coal and quarry stone mines remaining active. Unemployment rate: 34% (2000 est.)

Statistics
Population:Total Population: 1,161,219 note: estimates for Swaziland explicitly take into account the effects of excess mortality due to AIDS; this can result in lower life expectancy, higher infant mortality and death rates, lower population and growth rates, and changes in the distribution of population by age and sex than would otherwise be expected (July 2003 est.)Population growth rate: 0.83% (2003 est.)Life expectancy at birth: (2003 est.) total population: 39.47 years male: 41.02 years female: 37.87 years HIV/AIDS - adult prevalence rate: 38.8%
Literacy Rate:Literacy of Total population age 15 and over: 78.3%The education system of Swaziland consists of primary, secondary and post secondary education. The age entry into primary school is six years and the cycle or duration is seven years, which means students theoretically finish when they are 12 years old after they have written an examination awarding Swaziland Primary Certificate (SPC). Secondary education is divided into two sublevels. The junior level has a duration of three years while the senior is two years. Students who pass the junior level obtain a Junior Certificate and proceed to take the Cambridge O-Level examination, which offers a General Certificate of Education (GCE) for entry to tertiary institutions and to university.

THis trip is going to cost about...$ 4 300 >.<>

2008-03-16T20:35:00.001-04:00

amaxing

really amazing

helped someone last night

cant explain

so happpy~

Things in red i need to Do. Green i did.

2008-03-15T15:22:00.005-04:00

get closer to God
Help 5 people find God.
Get an advance RD
become a pastor.
be a mom.
live different
trust ppl. fully
eat a whole cake
play gh3, for 137 hours. just to beat james' score.
sit with ppl at lunch- and not feel bad about it.
get a date to a dance
date
tell him how i feel.
donate 100 000
help out at northway more.
help ppl in general.
bake 200 cookies and find ppl to eat them. Any takers?
mend friendships
admit when i need help
drink a CMCC
talk to him
help Ashlie with hippies for hope.
Attend at least one major sporting event: the Super Bowl, the Olympics ect
Swim with a dolphin.
Skydive
Learn how to take a compliment
Learn to ballroom dance properly.
Be someones mentor.
Get passionate about a cause and spend time helping it, instead of just thinking about it
Overcome my fear of failure.
Buy my own house and then spend time making it into exactly what i want.
Give to a charity -- anonymously.
Visit the Holy Land
Learn to play the guitar.
and not kill my instructor
Visit all seven continents
Learn a dance
Stay up for 2 days. .
Fall deeply in love
Marry
Sleep under the stars
Wade in a public fountain
Make a complete and utter fool of myself and not care
See a tornado or hurricane and live to tell my grandchildren
Yell "I'm as mad as heck and I'm not going to take this anymore!" in a crowded area just to see what ppl will do,
ride in a hot air balloon
spend a week at a French cooking school
raft done a river
be there i mean really be there for somebody
Go to Northway for 1 year.
then 3 cause i will be off to college
go to college
Establish lifelong friendships.
Fall asleep to the sound of waves on the ocean.
Reflect on my greatest weakness, and realize how it is my greatest strength
Shower in a waterfall
Learn to surf
Participate in a protest
Learn to ride a horse Keep a plant alive for five years Have my portrait painted. Learn to roller blade.
Learn not to say yes when I really mean no.
Fly first class
Write my will.
Accept myself for who I am
Learn to use a microphone and give a speech in public
. Take a cruise
Go to Disney World
Read the entire Bible
Ice skate in Central Park
Learn to ice skate
Save a life.
Build a house with Habitat for Humanity
Solve a Rubik’s cube. With out melting it over the camp fire.......
Take a photograph I can proudly hang on the wall
Be a member of the audience in a TV show.
See a movie at a drive-in.
Make a short movie.
Learn how to sail.
Do something that makes someone say, "You know, I really admire what you did!"
Do Gods plan.
Start my own Ministry.
Learn to swing dance
Bake a 12 layer cake
Fly a kite.
Swim in the ocean
Go to France
Go all over the world.
Invent a drink.
James 5:12.
read the KJV
run. i dont know where.
Help others
Be able to tell ***** and ******.
Not get this way over a guy
publish.
Pray offen
Be able to be...me
have friends come to me
eat somthing...6575 =p
Met someone i can relate to.
HAve someone tell me im worth it
Tell the world my story
put on a dinner party
Never stop reaching for that mark....

no words.

2008-03-15T15:03:00.001-04:00

hey hey hey

2008-03-15T14:48:00.002-04:00

Hmmm.

Who applies here?

James, Ashlie, Perkie, Ashley, Vicky, Karl, Chris, Paul, Arielle, Jessica. Tom. Kaite and the fetus!, Dianna.

Yea they all apply.

think about it.

2008-03-15T10:49:00.002-04:00

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."
Proverbs 3:5-6

"Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called."
1 Timothy 6:12

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
John 14:27

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee."

-Deuteronomy 31:6

wow......

2008-03-15T09:31:00.000-04:00

"Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee."-

Deuteronomy 31:6

again.....all i can say is...

wow.

i love this verse

my mind

2008-03-14T06:33:00.005-04:00

is pretty much in a blender

Things that are on my Mind that i think out at the same time.

(right now)

how can i get closer to God?

Am i doing the right thing?

Should i trust them with this?

Can i really so this?

Why did i ever make that stupid list?

WHy WHY WHY,

how can i not freak so much about this

Why cant really tell any one

why do i like him?

its friday!

...cross fit

hope i dont puke again

why did i bother to eat?

I- why did i post that vid i madE?

WHy cant i type normal.

Green tea.

somethings wrong why cant they tell me!??!?!?!

sore sore sore sore

think im going to bike 45 today.

gahh Sunday is D-day!

need to finds a new word for it

Devos this week!

invite list.

Topic

verse.

John 3: 16 John 3 :16....

in out in out in out

would he ever like me?

why do i care so much?

being a teenager is to confusing!!!!!!

gahhh1 going to miss my ride!

why do i feel this way!?

make it stop! make it stop!

gahh, im in trouble.

i think we should ban guys.

haha. so i can still hang with james
( he did wear the headband

wow...you were threre for me

2008-03-12T19:34:00.002-04:00

my body finally was like...no more.

I'm physically and mentally sick.......

i talked to you...

you where there

and you made me take a bite of my own med.......

" Kaitie you need to throw this back On God. He can help you. He wouldn't give you anything that you could not handle....You knows your Strong enough to handle this You can do this Kaitie.

I have faith in you"

Wow. Thank you.

Dont Thank me.

????

You gave that to me.

??

I did?

Yes. You did.

Kaitiw why cant you take your own advice?

shit. shes good.......

2008-03-12T16:54:00.002-04:00

okay so my little sister kinda just tried to kill me.

she and i started to fight.

she stareted beating me.

i hurt her...i just felt so angery.

" i hat you with every once of my body" " i will always hate you" " i want you dead! I wish you where dead! i hate you! i never wanted you!" I look in her eyes...and i can see she means it.

part of me wants to make her happy and ....well...die.

i love her SO much.

shes my baby sister.

so know shes hurt. im in even more pain.

......but i know i need to press on.

i love her so much.

she hates me.

.........

2008-03-12T16:07:00.002-04:00

i pretty much hate the world right now.

all of it.

and myslef.

yeah im basicly killing myself.

slowly and painfully.

i can't stop.....i want to..

im wicked sore. and im about to go make it worse.

im also getting sick. =(

after cross fit my partner was not going to do it so i was going to do it again.

but she wanted to talk to me...

so i did sit ups for the rest of class.

after gym i puked.

after school i had time so i did a bit of running.

sore sore sore sore sore

today looks like this:

4 30 Warm up

5 00 bike. minimum of 18.88 miles per hour.

evey half hour i have water

i do this till i cant.

then i try to fit in 1 more mile.....

part of me has a reason,

i startred out normal then loss contorl.

i have even put weights in my backpack......

i get to school early and run stairs.

what the heck am i doing to myself?

like why am i doing this to myself?

im the way i am for a reason....

God made me this way

so why am i killing myself to change?

i don't really know.

i need....i need... to stop.

wow im sore.

but im going to keep at it.......

so yea.

........

LOCK YOUR DOORS! BOLT YOUR WINDOWS!!! BEACUSE.....

2008-03-09T14:10:00.007-04:00

devos are back! yeaaaa

THE NEXT SESSION.....IS AFTER A GET A LIST O'PPL AND SET A TIME THAT WORKS FOR ALL.

UNLESS WE DON'T GET ANY NEW PEOPLE / IF THEY VETO TO LEAD
( DID I FORGET TO TELL YOU THAT JAMES? =P)

WELL MY TOPIC IS " HOW DO YOU ADVERTISE GOD?"

WELL ITS AN ONLINE CHAT HOSTED BY MOI.

okay no more caps lock.

but comment me! you should comeee.....

God bless all of you.

love,
Kaitie.

Things i have learned

2008-03-09T08:26:00.002-04:00

God is amazing. Their are no words to describe it...
One of the best things you can do is life for Christ.
Life is unfair. Get over it. Insteed think how you can help others.
Boys? They are pretty sweet!
I, at 15, really don't know what life is.
I do know what love is.
And i also know i have many many many, brothers and sisters in Christ. and im pretty lucky.
I wish i knew that my clock was already set and hour ahead....
That i can do anything with Gods help.
Hes there for me all the time
Theres this cool guy oout there somewhere for me...........
Im happy.
I am blessed.
I am...me.

This is painful.

2008-03-08T20:34:00.003-05:00

Wow. This hurts me.
Like a knife thourgh my heart. I write theses words to you.

There comes a time when you need to say good-bye.

long good-byes are to hard.

so just like the 1 small world that stateed it (hello)

i now say

good-bye

Okay...umm.

2008-03-08T18:41:00.002-05:00

haha im kinda nevous to post this....

Its sucky.

>.< well lemme know what ya think

He came to this earth one december day.

Took our sins and cast them away.

He loved us so he paid the hightest price.

So i beg you take my advice.

I'm telling you to read your bible and pray.

Ask God to come in to your lives today.

You have a chance for entrenal life.

Why not take it?

Thank God

2008-03-08T14:42:00.001-05:00

Wow. Ever feel like God is trying to tell you something?

I think... im'm going to do this.

Im nevous. Like really really really nevous..

More nevous then when i first went to Northway.

Then when i talk to a guy i like

Take a test or pretty much do anythimg all rolled in to one. Times 9437986798769 684^98349827493274934792347924372947293472394792347

But i know God has my back.

If i fail...so what i try again.

and if it does not hapeen it was not ment to be.

Okay. im cool now.

Still nevous...but wicked excited.

I can do this.

Yea its going to be wicked hard.

Take long hours.

Sleepless nights...(well i dont get sleep much anyways)

i feel like i can do this..........

I know you are all behide me.

And................im not going to tell you what it is.

At least not yet.

Okay SO a few of you know...

but be prepared world

Kaitlynn Conleys ready to take you on....

Fell free to guess =p

God Bless James.....

2008-03-05T06:38:00.001-05:00

no. that was not to you.i pray for you all every night...
and everyday
randomly..
i may not know whats going on in you life at times.....
but
i love you man.
i had this thing set up...but it does not seam right..

i can't tell you how you make me feel.safe. happy. like i can trust again.
SO ill write down a prayer i did for you....
and i posted your name b/c its all to easy to guess
Ha. And its like she said...things are not corny when there form your heart......
Dear God,... and now I'd like to pray for James.
He's a good guy God, with his heart set on you.
He's been there...when ever i needed him.
He always took time to talk to me, or anyone in need if they needed him to.
He'd drop what ever he was going and ...help.
That's the kind of guy is Lord.
Hes strong, someone you know you can count on and trust.
Be with him God, thought any trails that come his way.
Strengthing his heart God. Protect him. Hes...the biggest risk taker i know.
Keep him with you always. Protect him as he learns to drive in the up coming months.. Help him
be at his best when he trys out for tennis. Be with him God. Be with him God. BE with HIM!
Hes living for you! Blessed be the day you put him in my life God! You answered my Prayers
when i asked for help...you sent me James, i know i met him for a reason. so i could LIVE, so i
could find you God, He didn't know me...and took over 3 hours to talk to me.
You sent the best man for the Job and i have been so blessed with his friendship!
I ask that you watch over him with everything that he does. Protect him God,
Hes the kinda guy everyone can be friends with.
Hes a true revolution God.
I pray if he going though anything.
You help him
Like hes helped so any of us before.
I KNOW you have AMAZING plans for him God.
And I'm so blessed that i get to be a part of them.
Even if its just a short while God.
God Bless Him. God Bless Him. God Bless Him. God Bless Him. God Bless Him.
Hes like a brother to me. Hes family. I love him God.
He has been there for me with what ever i needed.
He has been there.
Hes......everything to me.
Hes one of the best friends i ever had.
I hope you continue to strengthen his heart,
help him in what ever he needs.
and lead him closer to you God.
I pray you continue to bless him in every way.
He truly is an amazing friendAmen

Life.

2008-03-04T19:22:00.004-05:00

Here it is . I said i;d write it so i am.

Life, as seen by ME

Huh, I, at 15 don't really know what life is.

But what i do know is confusing as heck.

i know theres pain.

i feel it sometimes. and it sucks.

a lot. like when i feel...how im still growing apart form you

i know that things will happen that don't understand.

friends will leave. boyfriends ( or girlfriends) will stop liking you when you still like them

You can like someone so much it hurts.

but they barley know your there.

when you have been friends for a while.

i know that friends will get sick. really sick.

i know that sometimes you can;t talk about your pain.

i know that sitting alone is good. and its bad.

i know that every minute with you is a gift.

i know we are growing apart.

i know the female mind drives guys insane,

and i laugh at that.

i know we have a short time on earth.

i know thins are going to get us down,

and we need friends....

SO I ask..........are you my friend? or some one who got my blog form buddys?

or someone who found my blog some how and is wondering why im not in a mental hospital?

so tell me your there.....leave me a comment.

please?

i need to know your out there..

b/c in letting somethings go.

i kinda lost who i had

Pink

2008-03-04T06:30:00.004-05:00

thats right! the color blogs are back!

ha. i hope you remember...

last night i needed you....someones sick. or they might be.....i have known for a while now.....and kept her iin my prayers..last night i hit the breaking point. it was just to....real. leukemia. scary word. so. so. scary. i felt horrible last night. ...i needed you....but, ran out of time. No. im not yelling at you. It turned out to be a good thing......i lost it. and i talked to God. i was like...help me God. Help me to understand.....then i fell asleep. and i had this dream...i was at my wedding....and she was on my right...healthy.. it was like a flash of things...i was all of us...growing up. changeing. It was like i was on the outside looking in......on myself......and all of us.....

anyway im alone, im with ppl, im scared im brave, im nevous,im confident, im happy. im sad. im worried. im at peace. im in pain. and im healed Did i mention confused!

i think God is trying to find her....(shes not a christen) so...yeah. I have faith in you God. Ypu know what you are doing.
tonight i will blog....on life.

at least what i know....

so for now..

-kaitie.

2008-03-03T17:45:00.003-05:00

Dear ______,

Wow. this is the hardest thing i have ever written
its killing me to write it. I'm crying. and shaking...its making me feel sick.
but it needs to be done so i can move on.
i love ya. but.....apparently we are not meant to be friends. i know this now.....

its killing me inside. I want your friendshio so, so , so badly.
but friendship is a two way street adn..we are stuck at the cross roads.

im going to miss you. But the last few weeks...make that months.

we changed...at least i did.

i want you as a friend so bad!

b/c your an amazing person!

i just wish......

but its pointlees i know this now....

so.. Good- bye.

wow that was painful...

Im prety much crying my eyes out.

but soon it will pass....

i guess i wont be talking to you anymore.....

i want to. i really do.

but after 4 months.......

I'm tried.

and i give up.

-kaitie.

2008-03-03T06:42:00.003-05:00

anyways i got sometime

wow. i didn't think this would be hard....'

Some of you?

We say we are friends...but we aren't

Were more like...acquaintances.

Yea. that's its. i mean....i hate it.

i really do.

i know as humans we all want what we can;t have.....but i want your friendship. like a real friendship and i don;t think we have it yet.

i know im not the coolest

or most athletic ( face to butt, what a way to say HELLLO)

i know im not that smart.

im not that good at art ( stupid Bird___)

i am...how do you say it?

an outcast in the eye of the public.

aka high school

some youtuber (is that a word?) kinda made me see that.

i mean its who i am.

but i also have some cool things about me.

Im tallish

i love ppl.

i like to help ppl.

i want to be your friend.......

i have a lot to offer though.

( gahhh got to go to fricken classs. $5 says i sit alone =p lol)

why is it always $5?

not $ 4.37?

HA i bet 4 .37!

back home.

iowe my self some money..

now did i sit alone or not? =p

anyways...

i like you.

your a pretty cool person.

okay your very cool

....sometimes i wish wow this is selfish....

that we did more things together.
b/c i really to hang out with you...........

i knnow your busy and when your not i am.......i just wish.......1 i was not so selfish
and
2 i could spend some time with you...................

im not some great person. not like you...but if...you have a moment.....i'd like that too.

week long, or longer maybe sorter semi daily (depends on how lazy i am) blog posts

2008-03-03T06:35:00.002-05:00

after yesterday...before unitred (kinda suckish btw = p) and yesterdays post i am going to do this for all of you or at least most of you.
When i do this i don't mean to hurt you or upset you.
so ill post tonight.
id get in AOl but SOMEONE hacked it.
(duhh i gave you my pass)
anyway im off.
i may post 3-5 times a day or 0
who knows?

2008-03-02T15:35:00.002-05:00

so everyone will get one of theses....

i don't kno when you will get thiis....but it has to be said
after the service today i was in tears..it was that poweful.
it made me think of me and you..
and when i walked up ther my entire body was shakeing. ...
something you dont knoew about me is ..
a few months ago right after i met you guys i tried something bad..
.but you helped me out of it..
so thanks i love you...your like my best friend and sister all in one.
even when im down. you pick me up and dust me offf
. you always know what to say. and i know your not real yet...but your the closest i know you are powerful you have a good heart.. you love to help others and thats rare among teens like us your amazing even thought you have such a busy life i know youd drop anything for a friend in need...or anyone for that mater . I know God has HUGE plans for you. and i am truely blessed to have you in my life. i need you in my life . you help make the bad things go away. you make me see i can do anything, that im worth it. you are insane and so full of life. i look up to you ........ your my friend

i love you.

2008-02-29T06:35:00.007-05:00

sooo after reaqding a blog of a very wise person.....i think id like to do the same.

Funny isnit? How i can't talk to you guys out right about whats wrong?

i can tell you a little.....but not all?

Yet i can post it for the whole world to see.........

Ha. i laugh at myself...

anyway..here i am...

i really don't know whats wrong.

or what happened

to bring this all about

but i know its like i was.

minus all the REALLY BAD>

im just....deperssed.

i feel like your in so much pain b/c of me.

that you can't......that you...almost....

it scares me to death i could have lost you.

that was written at 5 30 am.

its now 6:47 pm..

i just talked to you.
and i felt.
amazing.
like....truly better.
im not real.
but thats okay.
b/c im not someone im not.
im who i am

this helped.

hey...
you there

hi

hay. im sorry.
blocking you guys out is not the answer a
i know
i just feel awful..
i know how you feel
i mean if i had just talked to her...
no.
kaitie that is not true, and you know it.
people will do what they want.
God has control in every situation
but maybe i could have done SOMETHING....
well what if he wanted me to help her?
no. he obviously didn't. he's wanted you to help people before, and you have,.
how?
remember at homecoming?

i needed you then.
and you were there when nobody else was
:-\

there have been hundreds of times that you've said just the right thing, done just what he needed you to do.
and believe me, i know the pain youre going through. the "what if's" will go on forever.
then why do i feel like i failed?
but what your friend needs now is for you to be strong.

because ultimately you did. as humans we're sinners. God sometimes takes opportunities to remind us of that. to set us back in our place.
uh huh
so,
my advice to you is this
get right with yourself.a
get right with God.
and when you think you're ready to get right with your friend, and the rest of us, do that.
but you're not ready yet kaitie

you can't love anyone else until you love yourself. you really can't.

mmmhmm

i have to go, but i love you. and i know you'll be okay.

you need to forgive yourself.

forgive her.
'

*update* i told someone....b/c she needs help. it was hard to do. but she needed help. more then i can offer....it was hard to do. but..shes talking to her pastor. shes finding Him again...so thanks God. for the slap in the face

I mean i feel like hes trying to tell me. that i can do anything. but i cant do it with out HIM.

putting him behind anything is bad. HE needs to be first. Now he is... he was showing me he that he does have plans for me. and i cant help everyone. b/c im not him...

I cryed. And i think i got it.

Lately i have been thinking about being a pastor.

And....i don;'t think thats my plan.....i think its HIS....pretty sweet huh?

so this is for all of you.

thanks.

for everything

i thougt about eneding it.

with God

but

thanks to you

im not

i love you.....i need you in my life...
i need you more then what i have now....

you make me happy.

i needed you

i hope you read this.

i hope you can see.
that your amazing

and talking to you it helps me

b/c your more like sisters to me....

and a brother.
(but some might argue that=p)

hey

2008-02-07T07:20:00.000-05:00

yes its been a while....
this has been onw of the hardest weks of my life.
but, they all say I was the one who helped them.....
See My friend SArah IS wicked Sick.
Has been all her life
they gave her till the summer id things did not improve.......last night we got a test
I think God was testing all of us....
See if we satyed ture under times of trial.
The test said things were worse.
but....her blood type is b+
not b-
which was the results they sent over....some intren sent the worng file.
shes going to be fine...if things keep the way they were.

well at that point. we alll lost it.

jumping....trears of JOY.

they don't know what changed.

but we do,

WE HAVE GOD ON OUR SIDE!

and

2008-02-01T10:59:00.000-05:00

she asked what she ment to me, also whet james,ashlie, vicky, chris, bri my mom and dad sisters ect......so after hours of tears and pages and pages....

i love you guys.

anyone want their page(s)?

im back

2008-02-01T08:51:00.000-05:00

my friend and i took a week off...from the computer tv video games....to try and find who we are.

it was powerful.......
i think i know who i am know

and there is someone id like you to meet.....

Her name is Kaitie.
She is 15. And she is learning to live her life for God.
Its hard. But she wants to try.
She had a bad atart but her new friends pulled her out and showed her God
Shes kind caring and is not a good peroson.
thats right she is not a good person.
at least not yet.
she deals with life.
her sisters is bi.
her sister hates God.....and her.
she has gotten beat up for her faith.
she loves.
she hopes.
she prays.
and she has been saved.
she is powerful.
she is..she is...
she is me.
and she wants to help.......
shes praying on it.

hey all...im sorry

2008-01-27T17:31:00.000-05:00

i kno i dig to much.
i kno im intrusive.
i kno i care way to much
i mean i know i do this....but its b/c i really do care.
but its not worth it to upset u alll
so im stoping.
or im gonna try to.......

2008-01-26T23:51:00.000-05:00

okay so the last post was a little dramtic.
i have had worse nights...lots worse.

and yea i no hes just a guy.
and true, i was an idoit to think a guy could like me more then a friendbut, if its not supposssed to mean anything...why do i have this funny feeling in my chest?

but.she stabbed me in the back.

hey if chris likes her and she likes him thats OK.
but she had to take it to the next level.......
i dont think im gonna go to Northway tomorow.
1. i do feel sick
2. my dad does not really want to drive

so.

i love you guys.
you are always there for me.
even though im an idiot.

much love,
kaitie

fire and ice

2008-01-26T23:35:00.000-05:00

worse night.
of my life.
at least the last 1.5 hours was.
see i kinda sorta had plans to meet up with chris.
no big deal. till one of our firends said he likes me.
it statred out find, danced with him...even a slllooww dance
then he asked out my best friend.
and she said yes
so M and i went to sit at the table
then she comes over...SHE KNOWS I like him and says
" i love drity danceing with chris! i love to hold his hand and im gonna kiss him!'
shes decides to grind him RIGHT in front of me.
M was awesome, tried to ide them from my view but SHE kept moving in front.
so i could see.
yea. that pretty much ruined my night.

yea it was not a date date or anything like that.
but it still sucks.

thanks for letting me rant..........

i miss being able to do this....

2008-01-25T20:01:00.001-05:00

haha

2008-01-24T21:05:00.000-05:00

pink. red. green. blue!

2008-01-24T13:39:00.001-05:00

I'll be right here when you need me
Anytime just keep believin
And I'll be right here
If you ever need a friend
Someone to care and understand
I'll be right here

All you have to do is call my name
No matter how close or far away
Ask me once and I'll come
I'll come runnin
And when I can't be with you dream me near
Keep me in your heart and I'll appear
All you gotta do is turn around
Close your eyes
Look inside
I'm right here

Isn't it great that you know that
I'm ready to go wherever you're at
Anywhere I'll be there

All you have to do is call my name
No matter how close or far away

Ask me once and I'll come
I'll come runnin
And when I can't be with you dream me near
Keep me in your heart and I'll appear
All you gotta do is turn around
Close your eyes
Look inside
I'm right here

Whenever you need me
There's no need to worry
You know that I'm gonna be
Right here

Ask me once and I'll come
I'll come runnin
And when I can't be with you dream me near
Keep me in your heart and I'll appear
All you gotta do is turn around
Close your eyes
Look inside
I'm right here
Oh yeah yeah
I'm right here

pink! sorta lol

2008-01-24T13:37:00.000-05:00

Everybody makes mistakes...
Everybody has those days...
{1,2,3,4}
Everybody makes mistakes...
Everybody has those days...
Everybody knows what what I'm talkin' 'bout Everybody get's that way..
Everybody makes mistakes...
Everybody has those days...
Everybody knows what what I'm talkin' 'bout...
Everybody get's that way..

Sometimes I'm in a jam
I've gotta make a plan
It might be crazy
I do it anyway
No way to know for sure
I'll figure out a cure
I'm patchin' up the holes
But then it overflows
If I'm not doin' to well
Why be so hard on my self?

Nobody's Perfect!
I gotta work it!
Again and again till I get it right
Nobody's Perfect!
You live and you learn it!
And if I mess it up sometimes.
Nobody's perfect.......

Sometimes I work a scheme
But then it flips on me
Dosen't turn out how I planned gets stuck in quick sand
No problem, can be solved
Once I get involved
I try to be delicate
Then crash right into it
But my intentions are good
{yeah yeah yeah}
Sometimes just mis-understood

Nobody's Perfect!
I gotta work it!
Again and again till I get it right Nobody's Perfect!
You live and you'll learn it!
And if I mess it up sometimes...
Nobody's perfect I gotta work it!
I know that i'll find a way.
Nobody's perfect!

Sometimes I fix things up
And they fall apart again.
Nobody's perfect
I know I mix things up
But I always get it right in the end.
{you know I do}

Next time you feel like
its just one of those days
when you just can't seem to win
If things don't turn out the way you planned,
FIGURE SOMETHING ELSE OUT!
Don't stay down!
Try again!{yeah}

Everybody makes mistakes...
Everybody has those days...
Everybody knows what what I'm talkin' about...
Everybody get's that way...
Everybody makes mistakes...
Everybody has those days...
Everybody knows what what I'm talkin' about...
everybody gets that way

Nobody's Perfect!
I gotta work it!
Again and again till I get it right
Nobody's Perfect!
You'll live and you'll learn it!
And if I mess it up sometimes...
Nobody's perfect
I gotta work it
I know that I'll find a way
nobody's perfect
you'll live and you'll learn it
cause everybody makes mistakes
Nobody's Perfect
Nobody perfect no no
Nobody's perfect

again .you know who this is for

2008-01-24T13:35:00.000-05:00

We sign our cards and letters BFF
You've got a million ways to make me laugh You're lookin' out for me; you've got my back
It's so good to have you around
You know the secrets I could never tell
And when I'm quiet you break through my shell
Don't feel the need to do a rebel yell
Cause you keep my feet on the ground

You're a true friend
You're here till the end
You pull me aside
When something ain't right
Talk with me now and into the night
'Til it's alright again
You're a true friend

You don't get angry when I change the plans Somehow you're never out of second chances Won't say "I told you" when I'm wrong again I'm so lucky that I've found

A true friend
You're here till the end
You pull me aside
When something ain't right
Talk with me now and into the night
'Til it's alright again

True friends will go to the ends of the earth
Till they find the thing you need
Friends hang on through the ups and the downs
Cause they've got someone to believe in

A true friend
You're here till the end
You pull me aside
When something ain't right
Talk with me now and into the night
No need to pretend
OOH

You're a true friend
You're here till the end
Pull me aside
When something ain't right
Talk with me now and into the night
'Til it's alright again
You're a true friend [3x]

this is for all... b/c i

2008-01-24T13:34:00.000-05:00

I'm more than just

Your average girl

I'd like to ... (more)
Added: October 22, 2007
I'm more than just
Your average girl

I'd like to turn me up
And show the world

Aw yea

Cuz some can talk to the talk
But this girl just wants to rock

I'm individual
I'm not like anyone

I can be glam-or-ous
Just like you see in all the magazines

I can be cool as ice
Or anything I wanna be

Who said, who said
I can't be Superman
I say, I say
That I know I can

Who said, who said
I won't be President
I say, I say
You ain't seen nothin' yet

Aw yea
Yeaaaa

You wanna make some noise
Every girl has her choice

To lead their own parade
I do it my way

Ooooww...

I can be somethin' sweet
Or louder than the radio
Louder than the radio

I can be sophis-ti-cated
Or totally good
Or totally good

Who said, who said
I can't be Superman
I say, I say
That I know I can

Who said, who said
I'm not electrifying
I say, I say
[pause]
There's no holding back
Hangin' right on track
Cuz you control the game
So let them know your name
No limitations on imagination

Im-a-gi-nationnnnn

Yea!!

Who said, who said
I can't be worldwide
I say, I say
Time is on my side

Who said, who said
I can't be 10 feet tall
I say, I say
That I can have it all

Who said, who said
I can't be Superman
I say, I say
That I know I can

Who said, who said
I won't be president
I say, I say
You ain't seen nothin' yet
You ain't seen nothin' yet

Whoooa
Ayeaa

Who said
Come on

Ayeaa

lemme explain

2008-01-24T13:28:00.000-05:00

alex wanteed me to seee id i could find a hanna montana song for all my frinds, so after googleing to FIND her songs this is it.

YELLOW song

2008-01-24T13:26:00.000-05:00

u each get a song...lucky you!
Cody will see you, one day.

Lyrics
Uh oh
There you go again talking cinematic
Yeah you!
You're charming, got everybody star struck.
I know
How you always seem to go
For the obvious instead of me
But get a ticket and you'll see

[Chorus:]
If we were a movie
You'd be the right guy
And I'd be the best friend
You'd fall in love with
In the end we'd be laughing
Watching the sunset
Fade to black
Show the names
Play that happy song

(Yeah)
Yeah, yeah
When you call me
I can hear it in your voice
Oh sure!
Wanna see me
And tell me all about her
La la
I'll be acting through my tears
I guess you'll never know
That I should win
An Oscar for this scene I'm in

[Chorus]

Wish I could tell you there's a twist
Some kind of hero in disguise
And we're together
It's for real
Now playing
Wish I could tell you there's a kiss
Like something more than in my mind
I see it
Could be amazing

[Chorus x3]

Happy

2008-01-24T12:48:00.000-05:00

Happy: (hap-pe)1. delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing: to be happy to see a person.
2. characterized by or indicative of pleasure, contentment, or joy: a happy mood; a happy frame of mind.

im happy.wow that word looks werid.

i think im going to be okay.
i can get thourgh it.
b/c i DO NOT give up.

i think NOT talking about it helped even more.

hmm. ya. im happy.

im shaking like a freaken leaf b/c im nourvous, but im happy.

happy is such a common word.
im...coalete. yea. new word.
b/c im that awesome.

so who else is coalete?

i give up

2008-01-22T21:09:00.000-05:00

yea. Kaitie the fighter gives up.
she cant deal.
so needs help when she stumbles.
she needs YOUR help sometimes.
She needs MORE GOD
she needs to stop talking in third person.

Hey Alex.....

i love our convos.......and you are right.

me well hey
Alex hey- how is James?
me pretty good. thanks for the prayers!
Alex Can i ask you something?
me okay

Alex why does he mean so much to you?
(20 mins later)
me. i cant really explain it...he just IS. he's family to me, we talk about everything...and i do mean EVERYTHING. and we talk,, a lot. till like 5 am. he can tell when somethings wrong, and will drag it out b/c he wants to help me. but will drop it if i need him to. he can tell if iv been crying in school, and when i get on aim he will be like " what's wrong?"
he helped me find God. and myself....he can make me laugh. at pretty much anything. including my self. he is so full of life! He is an amazing guy. he WANTS to be everyone's friend, ( think Jon week 3 "mud") hed do anything for me, as i would for him. he's an amazing Christian, and he helps out a lot at Northway.he is totally INSANE. He is the kinda person who makes you happy to be alive, and want to live. he can pretty much do anything, and he is the only person who understands me. he accepts me for who i am, he brings out the best in me. i love him.
Alex wow. wow. wow. wow. WOW WOW.
Alex thats deep.but it reminds me of Jon and Carely.
Me. yea.
Alex .is that..a good thing?
Me. i think so. sometimes
Alex i see.
Me. he's at ski club again....that will be $5
Alex REALLY!?!? why would he go back so soon?
Me. Its James. his life is full of risks, hes not happy just sitting forever. he has to do.
Alex, So ur Jon/
Me. Yeah
Alex, soo. does he kno?
Me no what?
Alex all of this.
Me i think so.
Alex blog this
Me kay

new blog

2008-01-20T15:25:00.000-05:00

yea me!

well i start me "diet" today......and i konw many of you want to make sure i do not overwork myself.....so i made this new blog. its by invite only. anyone wanna join?

2008-01-20T08:22:00.001-05:00

time

2008-01-18T20:52:00.000-05:00

is. what it is.
you deal.
you move one.
shes right...i have to deal.
and i am.

Hey Alex....
plan in motion.

please.......

2008-01-18T15:49:00.000-05:00

....stay. Please. I'm reaching out to you.....take my hand.....but only if you want to.Please.....

hey YOU

2008-01-17T20:13:00.000-05:00

im not gonna put this in ur color...u know who u are.

i feel us growing apart.
and it scares me so very much.
i feel like I'm losing you.
I'm begging, please do not go.
you know this is to you, so please. talk to me.

hahaha

2008-01-17T19:38:00.000-05:00

Okay i have a lot to post. and I'm too lazy to do different posts each time.

The color blogs
lol- no point in putting this one in color....

the storm came, and riped our hearts away
it came to the point all we could do is pray.
heart pounding moments, every one is on edge,
waiting, waiting,
but the storm has passed. and were okay...

People sell scary things on eBay....
i didn't find what i was looking for....which is good b/c id freak if i did. but i found this I think we should get a set, LOL.

you make me happy..

Well. Wow. Its amazing.
check it out, faith. love. life.

D will u Ask him the the fire and ice
Me yea. i will. but hes still gonna say no

TO all

I was asked why i don't say i love you back.
I cant let to many ppl in
every time they say the will not leave , but they do. they say their different,
so if i say i love you, i mean it more then u will ever know. a lot more

HAha im off to ....idk
Thanks for all the prayers.

and letting ME freak,
i needed that

hey random guy.....

2008-01-16T16:56:00.000-05:00

...thanks. and yea. breathing is a good thing.

On another note i think you are right......I'm allowed to.
nut...idk.... at least....i cant....
but thanks.

- girl who talks gibberish.

I wish

2008-01-15T15:32:00.000-05:00

Sometimes i wish you where there for me.

Sometimes i wish you could talk to me.

Sometimes i wish you would hold me, so i could cry......

Sometimes i wish. Sometimes i wish. Sometimes i wish.

Sometimes i wish you cared about me.
Sometimes i wish you could love me too.

I feel so alone sometimes, and i beg you, please do not leave me out in the cold...

I want you. I want you.
i want you to care. I want you to talk to me.
Can't you see how much you mean to me? Can't you see? Can't you see?

I want nothing but the best for you......i love you......
I want you to care.
I want you to hold me so i can cry.
I need you to tell me its okay. its alright.
I need you. i need you.
Can't you see you mean the world to me?
It pains to to think......
Please, Don't you care?

Somtimes i wish

2008-01-15T15:19:00.000-05:00

hah

2008-01-13T21:52:00.000-05:00

i want to talk about it.

some thing from my pastors blog. Yes, my pastor has A blog!

wow..i have a pastor.
it kinda just hit me....

who is he?

Well his name is Buddy.
hes madd awesome.

hes always there for anyone who needs him.....

the first time i saw a service i thought he was insane.
and he makes a great cheerleader!

lol....stupid curtain rod...

i feel at peace for once.....

......but dont get me started on boys

:P

feelings.......

2008-01-13T20:41:00.000-05:00

........funny little feellinngggs

something i noticed,, no mater what age u are feelings are real

take my 11 year old friends for example,

even though they call it love, i don't think its true love, just a part of it, but they really care bout each other

then there is me (15)

i feel....like i cant talk about it

it hurts to much.....

then there is the 17- 18year olds.

there starting out new in life, fresh outta high school.

trying to find threre place in the world

ill do more later

is anyone out there?

2008-01-11T06:42:00.000-05:00

hey. you. yeah you.
how is life?

i think i lost kaitie along the way to finding her.

the Kaitie i know never gives up, shes a fighter.

am i?

i love.....God.
My friends.
My Family.
SO why can't i be happy?

The Kaitie I know never gives up, shes a fighter.

life.
Life is a blessing
time is a burden.
We have to deal with them both,
and find a balance.

its me...again

2008-01-10T19:53:00.000-05:00

this monday is swing club.

kaitie is going to swing club. not me.

the person you see is not kaitie, more like a half kaitie.

she needs to go away.

Kaitie is........Kaitie is......What am i?

i really don't know.

do you?

im lost

and kaitie is far away,

i post to much

but i love it.

i like to rant.
and cry when no one can see me.

like now.

am i really the girl, who is always alone?

2008-01-10T19:38:00.000-05:00

i can't explain it.
i feel so....not real.
I'm crying on the inside, which is a side of me you will never see
big buckets of tears, falling like a waterfall.
trying to drown me from the inside out.

I mean it. please. stop. don't.
i feel like i should run.
far far away.
but the Kaitie you know is a fighter.
she does not want to give up.

Am i Kaitie?

On the blog of one of my friends, it asked if when we lost ourselfs, do we become two people.

I think we do.
The Kaitie I know never gives up, shes a fighter.

So i ask you. Am i still Kaitie?

I think i am lost from kaitie.

She and i Are one in the same,

but shes better then who i am now.

i want to find her again.

Kaitie, where are you?

and who am i now?

a book

2008-01-09T20:55:00.000-05:00

I'm writing a book. and you are all in it.

if that's okay

I'm going to publish it

by the time James and Ashlie graduate

so im gonna post questions for you to answer

like this one

what is your fav thing to do?

what do you like best in opposite sex (list 6)

i know i know......

2008-01-09T16:55:00.000-05:00

its been like post after post today.....

stick with me okay?

hey, who reads my blog?
and how often?

comment your answer please.
b/c how often u read it will depend on when i post.

if u have a blog that i don't know if lemme no.

and sometimes, i write in color when i want to tell u something, but don't want to use ur name

lemme no if you still need a color

i may post more tonight.

<3-
kaitie ~peace~

Dear LAV

2008-01-09T16:33:00.000-05:00

Thanks for the comment. You think I'm interesting? ha. I'm just a normal teenage girl. But then again, what is normal? I don't think i am normal. ha. I mean, in some ways i am...but I'm really different. looking at me you would never know......mostly i keeps things inside. ) but I'm working on that. lol what started out as a simple thank you, turned into a post about myself..........

gahhh

2008-01-09T16:27:00.000-05:00

ever have one of those days?
where nothing can go right?
and the day was planed out to be wicked awesome......
but it all just fell apart?
and you want to run and cry?
A LOT?
yea. i had one of those days.
it sucked.
and no.
i don't want to talk about it.
at least not with you.
yea, you.
i think.....i mean know i don't want to be alone.
but, sometimes you don't have a choice.
ha. life is funny that way........

well......

2008-01-09T06:43:00.000-05:00

i am blessed.
i really am.
today i have LD after school.
and....... MY FIRST SWING LESSONS!!!!! YEAAAAAAA

James ( my madd hot instructor) Is going to teach me. I AM SO EXCITED.

ha. this can't go well......I'm SUCH a klutz.

And my package comes today.

so today, is one of the BEST days iv had in, well forever.....

be back to blog tonight!

<3 ~peace~
kaitie

My package!

2008-01-05T12:19:00.000-05:00

http://www.fedex.com/Tracking?language=english&cntry_code=us&tracknumbers=539836072415629

ha. I'm stalking it. i can't wait for it to get here!

its got a ton of scrapbook stuff.

and maybe a surprise or two for my friends........ :p

Plans for '08

2008-01-04T21:51:00.000-05:00

1. I will wear swim fins to the mall and act like everything is perfectly normal.
2. I will attempt to play an accordion while standing on one foot.
3. I will hand out large quantities of bubble gum to several of my friends and challenge them to a bubble-blowing contest.
4. I will spin in circles until I fall down.
5. I will jump rope with my younger sibs
6. I will spend an afternoon in the children's department of my local library reading books I loved as a kid.
7. I will watch a cartoon show that used to be my absolute favorite.
8. I will show up at a party with a gallon of ice cream, whipped cream, chocolate syrup and sprinkles, and announce, "Sundaes for everybody!"
9. I will sing in the shower.
10. I will quack like a duck at least three different times during a day of my choice.
11. I will spend one Saturday morning playing at my old elementary school playground.
12. I will look in a mirror and make goofy faces until my face hurts from laughing at myself.
13. I will buy a 1,000-piece puzzle, remove one piece and give the puzzle to someone who absolutely loves puzzles (and hates missing pieces). I will later 'fess up—and give them the missing piece.
14. I will spend an afternoon with a friend making snow angels (or sand angels).
16. I will carry an opened umbrella on a very sunny day.
17. I will go to McDonald's with my friends and talk everybody into ordering Happy Meals.
18. I will wear socks that don't match.
19. I will roll down the biggest hill I can find.
20. I will belt out opera tunes between classes, and when someone asks me what I'm doing, I'll say: "Rehearsing, what does it sound like I'm doing?"
21. I will purchase 10 decks of cards for the sole purpose of making the world's largest card castle.
22. I will smile for no real good reason at all—except that it just makes me feel good.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
okay- the real ones

( but i might just do the above)

1. i want to grow with God.

2. I want to learn to play the keyboard- something i promised my great grandma id do. ( i just need a teacher who can put up with me)

3. Sky Dive! this is like a dream of mine. for like ever

4. Improve my french. and go there someday. soon.

Je peux parler un peu français, mais je veux améliorer. J'adore la langue française, il est joli. Mais, ils ont beaucoup de règles!

5. met new ppl

6. blog weekly.

7. make new friends

8. get fit.

9. learn to swing dance.

10. be happy.

11. stay alive. -lol this means a lot to me.

12. share my poems.
( if i know you, chances are i wrote a poem about you- just ask!)

13. Get over my fear of new ppl

hey all of you new to my blog.....and thoses who don't know it

2008-01-03T18:44:00.000-05:00

my name is Kaitlynn, but everyone calls me Kaitie.

hello and welcome!

Things bout me

I made some really bad choices this past year.

and i will tell you if you ask.

But i also made one good choice,

I chose to be a christen.

I chose to attend Northway. by myself.

ah Northway........

Its the best church EVER.

if you don't know it come to a service with me!

i remember the first time i went to Northway.

I was meeting Kristie. and i was 20 mins early.

Right away Debbie came up to me.

I felt so ...welcome.

I helped out in kidzway the first service ( i don't think iv stooped)

it was ...again...wow.

The service was Live Spontaneous.

To be honest, it blew my mind.

See my grandpa is a deacon. at St George's episcopal church

With the robes. (very very formal, i don't remember much)

The Sunday best.

Father Bill Would just read the bible.

and at 6 i was like HUH?

i stopped going.

fast forward till age 12.

this is what i like to call the start of "the dark years"

i became depressed

and i feel inside off myself.

and i hide it from everyone

~~~high school~~~~~~~~

Over the summer, i had this dream over and over. It was me, and i was so happy. I was surrounded by ppl.

Then i found out about this club at school called Life Different.

I went the first day and felt like an idiot.

Everyone there knew each other.

Everyone there could name a verse and the rest of the group knew what they where talking about.

I thought i could not be forgiven

Then one of the older members shared his testimony.

And i was like..........................what?

some of the stuff he had done i had.

this is when i chose to try.

after that I got invited to Northway.

I thought it was going to be like what i grew up with, very formal.

boy was i wrong.

my first impression of Buddy was " is this guy insane!?!?!?"

I kept looking around, to see if other people saw what
i saw.

some of the kids from my school where there.

when we saw each other, we stared.

it was kinda funny

The weekend after that was homecoming.

i went after with a bunch of kids to Denny's.

it was a blast

~~~`weds after homecoming~`~~~~~~~
James shared his testimony. and all of a sudden i wanted to share mine with him.

later that day we talked for a few hours

and i truly accepted God in to my life.

and I'm happy.

and i beat my depression

so this is me.

there is NO LIVE DIFFERENT TOMORROW.

2008-01-01T20:57:00.000-05:00

..... so my day, no make that WEEK is ruined.

this week is really starting to suck.

a lot.

i was all excited.

b/c this was to be like, the highlight of my week.

and no there is none.

this really really sucks.

so. yeah,

my week now looks like this.

Weds:
School.
English paper

Thuresday
School

Friday
School

Saterday.
Kidzway/ dinner avec Michel. -oh so maybe this week won't totaly suck. lol

but on the whole.

it sucks.

Happy New Year.

2008-01-01T00:05:00.000-05:00

wow. is it 2008 already? This pass year was, well awfull. Yet it was also one of the best. I meet this kid. And another kid. Plus i meet some old friends again. They are all wicked awesome. I mean im so blessed..........

so why do i feel so ........

hey you.

2007-12-29T22:41:00.000-05:00

yeah. you. your pretty smart. you know when somethings wrong. and you can tell when lie.

......i think you just saved me. again. ......you do that a lot. so this, is for you i gussees.

i can't say id be here with out you.
I love that your my friend,
I love that your so sweet.
i love that i can trust you.
i love you man, in general.

.....do you like it?

so yeah,.

2007-12-29T16:33:00.000-05:00

Just because I'm 15. does not mean i can't feel. Don't give me this crap its only high school. I mean I'm not putting all my energy in to this God and School are still Top. But i don't know why i feel this why. So shut up! I'm sorry it disappoints you. Well I'm not b/c i don't care what you think. I'm free the feel this way if i want. I dont want to. I cant help! Don't you think i ant these feelings to end? Don't you think iv tried? What makes you think I'm a love - sick little girl? I know its not going to happen, Its just not right. But just b/c I'm not over it. YOU think you can keep me down. WHY???!?!?!?!?!???!?!?!? I don't know what else to do with you.
SO SHUT THE HELL UP!

And leave me alone!!!!!!!! I don't want to talk to you!!!!!!

Little Brid.
Fly high and don't come back.
Test the wings,
Fly away.
Fly away and don't come back.

But please. Before you go.
Take me with you?

well......

2007-12-28T23:21:00.000-05:00

...today is my 15th birthday. but i feel about 5. i need to start over. someone told me they only way is up. but how do you get up? i dont kno. im so lost. i feel...not alone but out of myself. like im not really me. i drooped everything and took a turn in my life so fast, all b/c.....all b/c...... i mean kno i made the right choice. but why do i still feel this way? i feel lost. Buddy says you can come home, but how do you get home? Im on my way. i think. i want to be. GAHH WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!? i need..... i need. to cry. to scream. to be happy. i need to fricken swing dance! I still wear a masque. some one plz TAKE IT OFF. and hide it from me. i dont no what to do.........

oh and by the way

happy un-birthday.

ha,

2007-12-17T21:18:00.000-05:00

tonight, was so cool!

i danced a little. but i didn't want to make a fool of my self. b/c i was afraid someone was looking. But i got over it and had a blast,

James loved his magnet.

lol. illegal exports.

I'm such a bad photographer. Then Ashlie was like your one of the only ppl i love and trust to use my camera, Yeah. That didn't add pressure at all. but i got a few good shots, i don't no, when I'm behind a camera its different, i want to catch that moment of my life, and hold on to it, forever.

my dad saw James and I dancing. 5 secs in to the car he was like who was the boy you where dancing with? And i was like i dance with a lot of guys. what did he look like? He said the guy with the yellow shirt, curly black hair, about your height, really tan? I was like OH! that's James. Hes wicked awesome. My dad then said hes a punk. lol.

so swing is good.
life is good,
im good

i need help.

2007-11-25T22:50:00.000-05:00

i can not do it on my own lord.
i need your help.
i need your guidance.
i need YOU.

Brian was pastor today. he was awesome. i felt like he was talking right to me. i cred when i got home. iv giving up trying to do it on my own. or with just the help of my friends. don't get me wrong they are awesome. But i need the LORD. i need to uncover my sins. so HE can cover them. iv sined. A LOT, and i need forgiveness. I'm crying now. iv been truo so much. then joining Christ with out the support of my family. thats it. for now . i cant stop crying.

My new Neice!

2007-11-23T19:58:00.000-05:00

This is Tom ( the dad) with Riley ( my other neice) and Lillee

lol. Riley freaks as Lillee starts to fuss.

Awwwwwww. Wonder how long this will last?

Love at frist sight!

This is my new neice!

6 lbs 15 oz

Her name is Lillee Christine Camlet.

20 inches long
Happy brithday Lillee!

songs that remined me of well me.

2007-11-20T20:10:00.000-05:00

Taylor Swift i'd lie.

I don't think that passenger seat
Has ever looked this good to me
He tells me about his night
And I count the colors in his eyes
He'll never fall in love he swears
As he runs his fingers through his hair
I'm laughing cause I hope he's wrong
I don't think it ever crossed his mind
He tells a joke I fake a smile
That I know all his favorite songs
And..
[chorus:]

I could tell you his favorite color's green
He loves to argue, born on the seventeenth
His sister's beautiful, he has his father's eyes
And if you asked me if I love him,
I'd lie
He looks around the room
Innocently overlooks the truth
Shouldn't a light go on?
Doesn't he know that I've had him memorized for so long?
He sees everything black and white
Never let nobody see him cry
I don't let nobody see me wishing he was mine
[chorus]
He stands there then walks away
My god if I could only sayI'm holding every breath for you...
He'd never tell you but he can play guitar
I think he can see through everything
But my heart
First thought when I wake up is
My god he's beautiful
So I put on my make upAnd pray for a miracle
Yes I could tell you his favorite color's green
He loves to argue oh and it kills me
His sisters beautiful he has his father's eyes
And if you asked me if I love him
If you asked me if I love him
I'd lie

-----------------------------------------

Teardrops on my Guitar
Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live without
Drew talks to me, I laugh cause it's so damn funny
That I can't even see anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night

[Chorus:]
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly,
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause
[Repeat Chorus]
So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
He's the time taken up, but there's never enougAnd he's all that I need to fall into..
Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see

-------------------------------

Cory's eyes are like a junglehe smiles, it's like the radio
he whispers songs into my window in words nobody knows there's pretty girls on every cornerthat watch him as he's walking homesaying, does he know
will you ever know
chorus:
you're beautiful
every little piece, love, don't you know you're really gonna be someone, ask anyone
when you find everything you've looked for i hope your life leads you back to my door oh but if it don't, stay beautiful
cory finds another way to bethe highlight of my dayi'm taking pictures in my mind
so i can save them for a rainy day it's hard to make conversation when he's taking my breathe away
i should say, hey by the way...
repeat chorus
if you and i are a story that never gets told
if what you are is a daydreami
'll never get to hold, at least you'll knowyou're beautiful
every little piece, love, don't you know you're really gonna be someone, ask anyonewhen you find everything you've looked for i hope your life leads you back to my front door oh but if it don't, stay beautiful
will you stay beautiful beautiful beatiful...beautiful beautiful beautifulohh ohh ohhhoh but if it don't
Stay Beautiful
Stay Beautiful

more to come!

wow. makes u think...

2007-11-20T18:05:00.000-05:00

me [5:47 P.M.]: hey
[5:48 P.M.]: hi
me [5:48 P.M.]: thanks
[5:48 P.M.]: for?
me[5:48 P.M.]: for everything
[5:48 P.M.]: aw :) you're welcome.
[5:48 P.M.]: thank YOU.
[5:48 P.M.]: you gave me a chance to be the person i've wanted to be.
[5:48 P.M.]: and now i'm here.
me[5:49 P.M.]: really?
[5:49 P.M.]: definitely
[5:49 P.M.]:
would i lie?
me [5:49 P.M.]: aww. way to make me cry.:-)
me [5:49 P.M.]: nope

I am in love!

2007-11-19T21:26:00.000-05:00

With swing dance! OH MY GOSH! THAT WAS TOTAL FICKEN AWESOME! i can't WAIT to start again! I dnced with a ton of guys, even asked a few. ;) James and Ashlie are AMAZING! I can't belive that they have been at it a month. They look like they have been at it for YEARS.

aroan, ashlie, james, briain, zack, joe, blue shirt guy, really tall guy, guy who tried to kill me, orange stipe shirt guy. and tons more. they are all awesome. I had so much FUN

im in love!

but i suck.....

but not for long!

girl in the cold

2007-11-12T21:59:00.000-05:00

A little girl sits by the road.
Crying shivering in the road.
She has no coat to warm her,
No family that loves her.
Shes left on the street to die.
Down the road she sees a light, slowly flickring against the darkness.
The man draws near and pulls her tighty in to his arms.
Says "don't do this. can't you see i love you? can't you see God loves you'?
he holds her as the tears fall.
and takes her to a place were she is safe and warm.

Morals

2007-11-12T20:27:00.000-05:00

You all remember the bedtime stories.
The ones with the story behind the story.
Don't steal, lie, hit or cheat.
But look at the world today.
I look around the halls.
And i see whats happening.
The lies. The pain.
The hated everyone holds inside
And the hate they inflect on innocent people.
It burns me. To see the pain.
The people need to see.
That a hater is not a thing to be.
if everyone just took time to see.
the things they do hurts.
then imagine what the world could be.
don't you agree?

lets play a games

2007-11-12T13:54:00.000-05:00

lol poem for ?? try and figure it out.
stated out aw a poem went to a blog. ha

Safety is what i feel.
I no longer need to cry.
and tell myself all of those lies.
I'm free to be. ME.
Me is a special person.
And I'm pretty cool. ;)
but you knew that
i have learned to love me.
a shout out to all my amigos
and as you can tell. Je n'aime pas parlent espagnol. Je parlent français.

Au revoir mes amis!

avoir

today

2007-11-11T23:17:00.000-05:00

was a day
it started grand
went to church and prayed to God
im in the green. Its all a go
looking at me now youd never no it.
the events of tonight
haha wow....
i think i care to much about ppl
and need to care a little less
so im going to stop.
some.
ever feel like this one person can change your life?
and if you find that person your lucky?
well i most be the luckest person alive
i fould not one. not two. not even 15.
27. read it and weep. in small ways and BIG ways
some of them its hard to talk to.
i love them all b/c.
im going to write a poem a day
to anyone who wants it.
just ask

2007-11-11T22:09:00.000-05:00

Little willow tree
Fighting against the wind.
Let your friends help you
Shade you form the hot sun
The wind that hurts.
Can be reflected
SO let them in
And grow