.........

i pretty much hate the world right now.


all of it.


and myslef.


yeah im basicly killing myself.

slowly and painfully.


i can't stop.....i want to..


im wicked sore. and im about to go make it worse.


im also getting sick. =(

after cross fit my partner was not going to do it so i was going to do it again.

but she wanted to talk to me...

so i did sit ups for the rest of class.

after gym i puked.

after school i had time so i did a bit of running.



sore sore sore sore sore


today looks like this:



4 30 Warm up

5 00 bike. minimum of 18.88 miles per hour.

evey half hour i have water

i do this till i cant.


then i try to fit in 1 more mile.....



part of me has a reason,


i startred out normal then loss contorl.


i have even put weights in my backpack......


i get to school early and run stairs.

what the heck am i doing to myself?

like why am i doing this to myself?

im the way i am for a reason....


God made me this way

so why am i killing myself to change?


i don't really know.

i need....i need... to stop.


wow im sore.

but im going to keep at it.......



so yea.

........