sooo after reaqding a blog of a very wise person.....i think id like to do the same.



Funny isnit? How i can't talk to you guys out right about whats wrong?

i can tell you a little.....but not all?

Yet i can post it for the whole world to see.........





Ha. i laugh at myself...



anyway..here i am...



i really don't know whats wrong.

or what happened



to bring this all about



but i know its like i was.



minus all the REALLY BAD>



im just....deperssed.



i feel like your in so much pain b/c of me.



that you can't......that you...almost....



it scares me to death i could have lost you.


that was written at 5 30 am.

its now 6:47 pm..

i just talked to you.
and i felt.
amazing.
like....truly better.
im not real.
but thats okay.
b/c im not someone im not.
im who i am


this helped.

hey...
you there

hi

hay. im sorry.
blocking you guys out is not the answer a
i know
i just feel awful..
i know how you feel
i mean if i had just talked to her...
no.
kaitie that is not true, and you know it.
people will do what they want.
God has control in every situation
but maybe i could have done SOMETHING....
well what if he wanted me to help her?
no. he obviously didn't. he's wanted you to help people before, and you have,.
how?
remember at homecoming?


i needed you then.
and you were there when nobody else was
:-\

there have been hundreds of times that you've said just the right thing, done just what he needed you to do.
and believe me, i know the pain youre going through. the "what if's" will go on forever.
then why do i feel like i failed?
but what your friend needs now is for you to be strong.

because ultimately you did. as humans we're sinners. God sometimes takes opportunities to remind us of that. to set us back in our place.
uh huh
so,
my advice to you is this
get right with yourself.a
get right with God.
and when you think you're ready to get right with your friend, and the rest of us, do that.
but you're not ready yet kaitie

you can't love anyone else until you love yourself. you really can't.

mmmhmm

i have to go, but i love you. and i know you'll be okay.

you need to forgive yourself.

forgive her.
'





*update* i told someone....b/c she needs help. it was hard to do. but she needed help. more then i can offer....it was hard to do. but..shes talking to her pastor. shes finding Him again...so thanks God. for the slap in the face



I mean i feel like hes trying to tell me. that i can do anything. but i cant do it with out HIM.

putting him behind anything is bad. HE needs to be first. Now he is... he was showing me he that he does have plans for me. and i cant help everyone. b/c im not him...



I cryed. And i think i got it.



Lately i have been thinking about being a pastor.

And....i don;'t think thats my plan.....i think its HIS....pretty sweet huh?



so this is for all of you.

thanks.


for everything


i thougt about eneding it.

with God

but

thanks to you


im not


i love you.....i need you in my life...
i need you more then what i have now....





you make me happy.

i needed you


i hope you read this.



i hope you can see.
that your amazing

and talking to you it helps me




b/c your more like sisters to me....


and a brother.
(but some might argue that=p)