wow...you were threre for me

my body finally was like...no more.


I'm physically and mentally sick.......



i talked to you...


you where there

and you made me take a bite of my own med.......


" Kaitie you need to throw this back On God. He can help you. He wouldn't give you anything that you could not handle....You knows your Strong enough to handle this You can do this Kaitie.

I have faith in you"


Wow. Thank you.

Dont Thank me.


????


You gave that to me.

??

I did?


Yes. You did.


Kaitiw why cant you take your own advice?


shit. shes good.......

okay so my little sister kinda just tried to kill me.

she and i started to fight.

she stareted beating me.

i hurt her...i just felt so angery.


" i hat you with every once of my body" " i will always hate you" " i want you dead! I wish you where dead! i hate you! i never wanted you!" I look in her eyes...and i can see she means it.


part of me wants to make her happy and ....well...die.

i love her SO much.

shes my baby sister.


so know shes hurt. im in even more pain.



......but i know i need to press on.

i love her so much.

she hates me.

.........

i pretty much hate the world right now.


all of it.


and myslef.


yeah im basicly killing myself.

slowly and painfully.


i can't stop.....i want to..


im wicked sore. and im about to go make it worse.


im also getting sick. =(

after cross fit my partner was not going to do it so i was going to do it again.

but she wanted to talk to me...

so i did sit ups for the rest of class.

after gym i puked.

after school i had time so i did a bit of running.



sore sore sore sore sore


today looks like this:



4 30 Warm up

5 00 bike. minimum of 18.88 miles per hour.

evey half hour i have water

i do this till i cant.


then i try to fit in 1 more mile.....



part of me has a reason,


i startred out normal then loss contorl.


i have even put weights in my backpack......


i get to school early and run stairs.

what the heck am i doing to myself?

like why am i doing this to myself?

im the way i am for a reason....


God made me this way

so why am i killing myself to change?


i don't really know.

i need....i need... to stop.


wow im sore.

but im going to keep at it.......



so yea.

........